An Odd Kind Of Failure
So the thing that I've *not* been discussing:
We're shutting down the company.
There: I've said it.
It was an extremely difficult stage to come to, but once we reached a certain point in time and perspective, the decision-making took on a life of its own. We've given it a bloody good go, mind you - two and a half years is more than many companies manage, and most importantly, we did at least try, which many don't.
In the end though, reality intrudes, and you have to acknowledge that things aren't going as well as they might, or growing the way they ideally would. It's utterly heart-breaking in many ways - the 'put your heart and soul into something for two years' way especially, and definitely a curious kind of failure: How many businesses can legitimately say that they've got clients who are genuinely happy with them, who,without exception and unprompted, keep coming back for more, have services and products that are tested and respected, and a well-established team capable and willing to continue delivering outstanding service? Not one that I've worked for previously, that I do know.
So I've had to make a group of people I like and respect, and who did their jobs brilliantly well, unemployed, which is one of the worst things I've ever had to do in my professional life. Letting down the clients comes second.
Right now I'm in the middle of the wind-up process, while simultaneously trying to work out what happens next, both for myself and for the others. Somehow being able to continue to do the good stuff we do would be the dream of course, but practicalities inevitably remain an issue, and the ways of achieving that are severely limited. I'm not giving up on the possibility, but I'm not putting it at the top of my 'most likely outcome' list either.
So hence all the down lately. It's not the worst news in the world. No one died, we're all able to pick ourselves up and move on, so perhaps I've been overdramatic about it recently. But it's felt pretty devastating. When you put everything into something over a period of years and it ends up dying despite your efforts, it's a blow. When it has an adverse effect on other people, it's that much worse.
But thanks for all the messages of support; they've really meant a lot. Anyone who's emailed and I haven't had a chance to reply to yet, many apologies - I *will* write back as soon as I can.