More A Way Of Life… Look, this is just between you and me

Speaking Of Thinking Things Through

We are finally into serious planning of our not-under-any-circumstances-to-be-called-a-wedding, and it's proving to be a nightmare.

The minute you start talking about 100-plus people in a venue that neither of us wants to be in the 'room-above-a-pub' mould, everything goes insane.

To start with, 'nice' venues capable of holding that many people are few and far between. Add to that the fact that neither of us really wants to go to some anonymous venue which we don't have any connection to (so even moving far outside of South East London is an issue), so the big hotels are out, and options become even further constrained.

And speaking of hotels, you need somewhere that's within at least a reasonable distance of a few decent ones for the people travelling to the day.

Then when you start talking to a venue you like the look of that meets the criteria, (and after you've stopped gasping at the price tag) you find that they have a 'preferred' caterer whose services you have no choice but to engage. These people will attempt to dictate your menu, the format of the event, the timing of the event, what colour suit you should wear and what kind of sex you're allowed to have to mark the occasion. (These last two *may* be an exageration.) In short, they'll try to make your event their event.

And somehow, they'll also push the price up by a factor of at least three. This is not an exageration - we've seen it happen. Imagine a venue hire cost of £2 (if only) suddenly turn into a venue plus food, equipment hire and service price of £8, and that's not including VAT or drink. Multiply these numbers by what I'll simply refer to as 'a factor', and I've got the paperwork to confirm it.

Along the way, the nature of the event in our own heads has changed somewhat too. We originally weren't going to have a 'ceremony' in any real sense of the word, just a gobsmackingly good party. Now, it seems like we actually do want a ceremony after all. Which really only means we need the venue a bit longer, but there are inevitable logistical impacts arising from that around getting a registrar out to whatever venue it is, among other things.

And in the midst of all this, I suddenly realised that in this relationship, I'm the Monica. This comes as something of a shock. I spent ten years with Chris blissfully secure in the knowledge that he was the Monica, and that I could mock him horribly for it. Now, I find myself putting checklists together and working out schedules and milestones, and worst of all, allocating tasks.

This is not who I want to be, but in this circumstance, it's a dirty job, and someone's got to do it....