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Thursday 20 November 2008
The L Word. And The M Word
Ok, it's time to come clean about some stuff. I've been waiting to be able to tell a couple of people personally before going more public with this, which I now have, so now I can.
I've mentioned that I'm attached these days, and that I'm very happy. I've mentioned the damn near perfect time we spent in Rye last weekend. I've even mentioned that I'm prepared to acknowledge that I was wrong about something (and that never happens).
A couple of people have joined the dots, but just to get explicit:
I am utterly, passionately, unashamedly and overwhelmingly in love.
This is not an admission I expected to make any time soon - you all know how cynical I am about life generally and relationships in particular, but here I am.
In many ways, and for many actually very good reasons, I'd settled to regard myself as one of life's 'designed-to-be-single' people. I've been quite damaged emotionally over the years, in ways that stem from both previous relationships and earlier experiences, and I'd reached the conclusion that I was in fact too damaged to feel the good emotions again. And I was at least resigned to the consequences of that, and really even okay with them.
An experience I had recently when a perfectly delightful young man and I started getting on very well, which I had to end when I realised that I simply didn't/couldn't feel a greater emotional connection to him than that of friendship (you know who you are - sorry again), reinforced in me the fact that somewhere inside, I wasn't capable of being in love for real.
But I was wrong. And now I want to shout it from the rooftops. He's my man, and I'm his. And I don't ever want that to change. Me: Cynical git, misanthrope and all-round pessimist. Except I'm not any more, because he makes me be better than that.
And the thing that I was wrong about? Read this and then come back to watch me eat my words.
Done? Then I'll admit it: Over dinner at the weekend, I found myself starting a sentence and only realising as I did what the only possible next sentence was going to be. Sentence one was that I couldn't think of any reason why I wouldn't want what I'm feeling right now to last forever, and that I could actually think of a lot of very good reasons why I'd rather it did.
Sentence two therefore involved me asking him to marry me.
And he said yes.
And yes, I still think on some level that it would be better that we don't ape heterosexual conventions and create our own, but I want us to be recognised with the same validity as a straight couple would be. And given the state of the law in the UK it's going to be a *long* engagement. But we'll wait.
I don't recognise myself at the moment, but whoever I am, he's a big improvement.
GMail
Been meaning to mention that I managed to get myself a Gmail account, and I'm slowly but surely starting to migrate my personal mail over to it. I have invitations to give away too if anyone wants an account of their own, so if so, let me know.
Dr Oooh!
I've gone a bit quiet on the subject of the new Dr Who series, filming for which has now started, and which is provoking unseemly levels of excitement in my beloved. But I did want to note that some of the photos that are doing the rounds actually deserve to be shared.
I posted the following on Millarworld and provoked all sorts of girlish squealing from even the most manly of the gang. Autons ahoy!:
And this:
provoked a very very girly squeal of "It's the Tardis! IT'S THE TARDIS!"
The Passing Of The Years
As some of you know, I traditionally have drinks to mark my birthday the Friday immediately after it. This year, however, that will be the day before Dave and Octavia's wedding, and I think that might be a very, very bad idea.
I'm going away the weekend after that, so for this year, I'm bringing the occasion forward a week. Friday 3rd September will therefore be the designated day.
The venue will be the same as last year, and anyone who was there for that is welcome again. Likewise if anyone would like to come along for the first time, please drop me a line and I'll let you have the details.
Just a bit of advance notice for your diaries.
Eating My Words
It's a strange thing to have to read back on one's own comments on a subject, held with such conviction for so long, and realise that one's viewpoint has flipped 180 degrees.
And yet it's important to be willing to stand up and acknowledge that one is willing to change one's opinion based on new information or experience. Which I now do without reservation.
What subject?
Hah! You don't think I'm going to come out and admit what I was wrong about, do you????
Best. Weekend. Ever
So chilled. Great weather, great location (Rye - always a special place anyway), stayed in a wonderful hotel, wandered around without having or needing a plan, ate great food, drove through gorgeous English countryside, and found something amazingly special going on in my life is actually even better than I thought it was.
I'm feeling *very* good right now.
Weekending
In the verbal sense: I'll be weekending out of town from this afternoon.
I'm *really* looking forward to it - I know I was away last weekend, but that was Dave's stag do, and I spent half of it being fraught about whether things were going okay and, well, being me, basically.
This one is going to be different. This one involves a four-poster bed, (from which, for a change, I have no reason to emerge at any point before I actually want to); the chance to explore some beautiful English countryside; the promise of fine weather; the prospect of cementing the new relationship still further; and hopefully more besides.
This is the kind of weekend I don't have often enough, and which I'm determined to make more time for.
Update when I get back.
Moon
Meanwhile, in keeping with a certain 'over the moon' sentiment that seems to be in the air Chez Moi, Dave has pointed me towards two sets of cleaned-up photos from the Apollo 11 mission:
One set at the BBC, the other elsewhere.
Attached
So you may have missed a passing reference the other day to the fact that I'm seeing someone. And in case you did, it seems I ought to be more overt.
Yes, I'm all relationshippy. And very happy. Get me talking about the subject of my relationship and watch the stupidest grin you've ever seen hit my face. Life shouldn't be this good.
I'm having a seriously hard time maintaining my proper cynical bastard exterior.
Does Whatever A Spider Can
Can't believe I forgot to mention that I finally saw Spider-Man 2 last night.
And the amount of delirious fanboy gushing was avery bit as significant as predicted.
What a *brilliant* film.
Stag-gered
Did you see what I did there?
Just got back from Dave's stag weekend - I'm entirely shattered, though fortunately I can now put myself in someone else's hands and have them take care of me.
Nobody died, Andy walked into a door in spectacular fashion, and consequently won permanent ownership of The Stupid Hat, Mike spent an hour asleep in the middle of a pavement, and someone ended up in the sea at 6 in the morning, so tradition was served, though as it wasn't Dave, his own preferences were served too.
And I'm shattered.
Don't Ask
There was no Spider-Man 2 in my life last night.
There was a really great meal in outstandingly good company, however, and a decision to postpone seeing the film in favour of both dinner and company. Which, much as I want to see that film, was a very good decision indeed.
Driver's Education
Just a quick note to the driver of a BMW, registration LA04 RRV:
The reason I wasn't moving when you were sitting behind me honking this morning is that the exit from the junction we were both queuing for was not clear, and entering a junction in such a situation is a sign of a crap driver.
Which clearly you are.
Spider-Man 2
Hoo-Ha! Off to see it tonight.
I'm anticipating really quite outrageous levels of fanboy delirium.
My own that is.
I'm *very* excited.
Busy Week
Okay, I know I keep saying that, but it has been.
Since last I posted here I have been:
Finalising arrangements for Dave's stag weekend - thanks to various people for advice and suggestions by the way.
Being Mr Supportive for various people dealing with various crises (at various times of the day and night).
Working (obviously this is only taking up a very small part of my time).
Trying to clear out some of the accumulated junk of the years that lurks in the flat in a desperate effort to give myself some space.
Spending more time than I originally anticipated doing the Getting To Know You routine with someone new in my life.
(Oh yeah - did I not mention? Seeing someone. Moving on. Being part of a couple again for the first time in a while. Going well, thanks for asking.)
Anyway - I'll try to be better (again).
Va Va Voom
According to this morning's papers, 'Va Va Voom', as used by Thierry Henry in those Renault Clio ads, is one of the new terms now added to the Oxford English Dictionary. It's defined as being "The quality of being exciting, vigorous, or sexually attractive".
So they could just as easily have said "See Thierry Henry" then.
Genius
"Not the bike kids again ... they're crap."
It was a gaffe worthy of Alan Partridge. Thinking he could not be heard, the organiser of a village carnival let everyone know what he thought of a children's motorcycle display team.
Steve Broomfield branded their show 'crap' as he complained, 'this is so boring' into a hand-held radio.
Alas, his voice was picked up by the public address system and broadcast to spectators at the fun day in the village of West End, near Southampton.
Drowned Rat
So.... I just got back from a night out on the Thames with a client (them providing us hospitality for a change). Lovely evening for it - I think it's safe to say that I've never seen rain like we faced when we left the do before - and certainly not in this country. We were drenched before we got off the boat, and trying to get a cab was impossible. I've just emerged from a long soak in a hot bath and am now feeling ever-so-slightly human again.
Need sleep.
Moving On
I remarked around the time of my 'epiphany' several weeks ago that one of the things which triggered it was that Chris seemed to be embarking upon a new relationship. I understated the case. To no one's greater delight than mine*, the man is entirely smitten, and is in fact embarking upon some fairly life-changing courses that with any luck will make him happier than he ever was with me.
He and his new partner have been separated for the last few weeks, but that all starts to change today. Pretty much from now until some point next year, if all goes according to plan, they'll be able to be in each other's company full-time.
Can you tell that I'm really, really delighted about this?
And what's that you say? What about my own moving on?
Maybe I'm working on it.....
* I acknowledge that it's possible that they themselves are more delighted, but it's a fine line.
ICQ - Do You Seek Me?
Finally finally, I've reinstalled the machine I mostly use at the moment, after months of frustration and annoyance with it. And I've decided to revisit Trillian as a chat client as a bunch of people I know now use other channels than ICQ. However, as my own most-used application is ICQ, if you were previously on my contact list can you ding me a quick message to help me re-establish my contact list?
Thanks.
Wimbledon Again
I did my best to catch as much of the latter stages as I could, which was by no means that much in truth, but I saw quite a bit of the men's semi-finals, and some of the women's. I missed the women's final, which is a pretty, because I'd pay good money to see either of the Williams sisters trounced that comprehensively.
Saw the men's final today, and I confess that although Federer was playing better, I was rather rooting for Roddick to win. Well, maybe next year.
Oh no wait - next year will be Tim's year, won't it?
Worst Salesman Award
I'll leave Dave to tell the story when he gets round to it, but we've been to do some sorting of wedding suits this afternoon, and I've never in my life seen a salesperson who seemed so entirely uninterested in selling anything.
Really, it had to be seen to be believed.
Party Party Party
It's a long, *long* time since I went to a large party - It was only being at the one last night that made me realise how long in fact.
I had a lot of fun. As I think a lot of people know, events at the end of last year knocked my self-confidence a lot, and I became pretty quiet socially, so I was a bit concered I'd wallflower my way through it, but I didn't. Okay so I didn't mingle with every single person there or anything, but I met some new people, joined in a few conversations, and was deeply impressed by the effort people had made to be 'in theme'. Some of the costumes were pretty damn impressive.
I'm my own worst enemy though considering how tired I am all the time lately. Getting to sleep at 4am and being awake again at 8.... <Points of View Mode>"Why oh why oh why?"</Points of View Mode>
Driving Man
So for the first time I'm giving the car a proper run today, heading down to the Kent coast to visit friends. It's weird being a car 'owner' again. It's too convenient having it there. I have to fight off the temptation just to hop into it and go to the shop, for instance, when I really should walk.
Note to self: Don't be a lazy git.
Interesting Week
Well, apart from once again being long and rather tiring, it's been interesting on several levels. Details will follow as/if things develop, but in the meantime I'll just mention that at very little notice I've been invited to a party tomorrow night, and as it's 'themed' (and I'm out of town during the day tomorrow), I had to do some serious work today to find myself something suitable to wear.
"What theme is it?" I hear you ask. Why that would be Cowboys and Indians of course....
Cassini. Saturn. Rings. Ooooh!
First pics back from Cassini of Saturn's rings - Here
The head of the Imaging team said that the images "brought tears to her eyes".